3 Reasons Why You Are Not Reaching Your Goal

1. Reaching Your Goal is Like Building A Bridge

We set goals for ourselves, and sometimes we can’t reach our goal. How many “New Year Resolution” did you actually achieve?  Very often we hear people say, “You didn’t reach your goal because your willpower was not strong enough. “

Is that really true?

Our brain is much more complicated than that! As we know, 90-95% of our behaviour and actions are determined by our unconscious mind. 

Reaching our goal is like building a bridge from Point A to Point B.  A “strong willpower” is like one of the pillars that are supporting the bridge. You need much more than just one pillar! 

Moreover, before you erect the pillars, you first need to dig deep down the ground to establish a strong foundation. If there are too many rocks and junk while digging down you got to clear them first.

Your unconscious limiting beliefs, values, behaviour patterns can all be rocks blocking you from building your foundation. Clearing these are the first step. After these are cleared, you can then erect the pillars on a strong foundation. The pillars are your resources, which include but are not limited to, your confidence, empowering beliefs, persistence, patience, focus, willpower, determination… etc. etc.

Only after the pillars are established can the bridge be built. 

Many people think it’d be enough to have a Coach who just push them hard. That’s like trying to build a bridge without pillars (We are not talking about a Suspension Bridge here!) You need someone to start from clearing the rocks and digging a strong foundation.. 

2. What Motivates You to Reach Your Goal?

Think about one of your goals. What’s your motivation?  Why do you want to reach that goal? You may list your motivations.

There are two kinds of motivations. “Towards” and “Away From”.  Towards means towards getting a reward.  Away From means away from a consequence.

Examples of “Towards” motivations:

  • I want to exercise because I want to feel good.
  • I want to do the homework because I want to learn.
  • I want to buy flowers to my wife because I want to be a good husband.

Examples of “Away From” motivations:

  • I want to exercise because I don’t want to be over-weight.
  • I want to do the homework because I’ll be punished by the teacher if I don’t.
  • I want to buy flowers to my wife because if I don’t she’ll be pissed off at me.

Studies show that for a goal to be sustainable and for a person to stay motivated, there must be both Towards and Away From motivations.

So now, go back to read your list of motivations, do you find both Towards or Away From in them?

3. Does Your Unconscious Mind Believe You can Reach Your Goal?

Last but not the least, if your unconscious mind doesn’t believe in your goal, no matter how determined you are at a intellectual and conscious level, you will not be able to convince your unconscious mind!

Sit down, be quiet, and listen carefully, do you hear many voices in your mind?

  • I’m going to lose 10 pounds within 3 months.
  • Yeah, right. You won’t be able to!
  • Why! Of course I can!
  • Oh, no, that’s so hard! You are going to have to work so hard!
  • What? Does that mean you can’t eat your favourite ice cream every day?
  • Losing 10 pounds? You are crazy! Why do you want to do that?
  • A good-looking body? That’s not for you!
  • How will you even have time to exercise?
  • What if you fail? You are going to make yourself a fool!

… …

Did you hear your internal conference call?

If your unconscious mind is not convinced and not aligned with your conscious decision, it will always find a way to sabotage your conscious efforts.

So, how do you convince your unconscious mind? 

An simple way everyone can do is through meditation and visualization. However, if there are too many underlying blockages, they need to be addressed first.

A skilful NLP Coach and help you to work on this.  There are many tools in NLP that can help you to quiet your logical mind and convince your unconscious mind.