How NLP Helped Me With My Self-Love

I’ve been on the personal development path since my early 30’s, probably a bit late seeing how nowadays teenagers sitting in meditation halls…

At the beginning, apart from reading self-development books, I was taking advantage of the EAP benefit offered by my company and was seeing psycho therapists regularly. They helped me to work on the trauma I suffered during my harsh childhood. They helped me to understand that what’s happening in my adult life is still deeply influenced by my childhood, and that I’d even unconsciously re-create and repeat the same scenario.

My therapists changed a few times due to my/their changes at work. But every time every one asked me to start with talking about my childhood over again. It is very unpleasant for me to talk about my childhood because it was so dark and painful. I grew sick of phycho-therapy.

Later, I lost two cat “daughters” within 2 months. The event greatly impacted my life, and it pushed me on the spiritual path. I felt like a person dying of thirst finally came out of the desert and found the river. I took class after class, followed one spiritual teacher after another, booked sessions with one healer after another.. I remember, for a while, the top of my head stayed burning hot for a few weeks – so much energy coming in all at once!

With the support of my spiritual teachers and community, I continued learning, discovering myself and healing myself from past wounds. I’m making progress, steadily and slowly.

One issue I had been working on for years was self-love. It was a huge issue in me due to the severe and prolonged physical and mental abuse I suffered during my childhood.  (P.S. I later discovered through working as a healer and coach, that self-love is a big issue for a lot of people, even if they didn’t have a traumatic childhood!)  I used to hate my body, I had something to complain about on almost every single part of my body. At one point of time I even developed anorexia. I hated my life, I thought I was the most unfortunate person in the world… etc.

I remember during a workshop with a spiritual teacher, we were each requested to stand in the center of the room and say out loud “I love myself.” When it was my turn, I stood there, but my voice was mute, I couldn’t open my mouth, I simply couldn’t say it. I couldn’t even fake it. I was weeping..

Another couple of years went by, I made some progress, I could finally say the word “I love myself.” But I know I was faking. Deep down I still didn’t believe in it.  When I heard others saying any praising words to me, I felt extremely uncomfortable.

While healing myself, I started to offer healing to other people.  There’s a saying, “Healers are the ones who need healing the most.” How true is that! If you’ve never suffered, how could you understand others suffering and help them?

Roughly 5 years ago, I discovered NLP. I flew to Singapore to take my first level NLP course. Initially, my purpose was to add another tool in my toolbox for my work in helping others.  Man! What an eye-opener!  I couldn’t believe how much NLP helped myself and my own life! I quickly decided to fly to Sydney to take the next level up and all the way to the Master Trainer level.

In my own experience, the biggest difference between NLP and other types of healing/personal development that I have experienced is – NLP works on the unconscious level! 

At a logical, intellectual and conscious level, we’ve done lots of analysis on our own behaviours, we know mostly why we have those unwanted behaviours and we probably even know how to work on them and improve. However, we all know it takes lots of hard work, discipline, and time. NLP talks directly with our unconscious mind. As we know, 95% of our behaviours is actually determined by our unconscious mind. Once we solve the problem of our unconscious mind, the power is immense!

Imagine we want to build a road through a mountain. The rocks are hard. We use shovels, hammers, chisels, etc. eventually we might be able to remove the rocks, but it’ll take a long long time. But if we put some dynamite at the bottom of the mountain and launch the explosion, within seconds all the rocks will be gone.

For me, NLP is that dynamite!

I saw improvement and changes in my life so rapidly and in incredible ways!  Within less than a year, my self-love issue was gone! I have no problem at all loving myself. When people tell me how “amazing” and “wonderful” I am, I simply smile and say “thank you”. 

My wardrobe used to have only 2 colors: Black and Brown, since forever. Now it’s full of colors. It’ll take me a bit of work if I purposely want to find something black!

I like drinking. At times I’d go bar-hopping in Lan Kwai Fong by myself and I like sitting at the bar, just drinking. But before, I could sit alone at 5 bars in a evening, nobody would ever come to chat with me. I could never understand why LKF is famous for “casual encounters”, as I had never “casually encountered” anybody there!  After this “self-love” issue was solved, I could hardly sit at any bar in LKF without being constantly bothered by people who wanted to chat me up!  — It’s not just a cliché to say “If you don’t love yourself, nobody will love you.” 

My energy is radiant inside out. Even friends around me could notice. They asked if I was in a relationship. I answered, “Yes, I’m in love with myself!”

In the past few years, NLP helped me enormously.  I completely changed to a new person. Recently an old friend contacted me.  We haven’t seen each other in a few years. She saw my photo and asked when was it taken. I told her just a few months ago.  She was shocked. She said it looks like I’m getting younger and more beautiful! 

I continue to work on myself with NLP, my most powerful tool, while helping my clients. I hope more people will have the chance to experience the magic of NLP and bring miraculous changes to their lives!